i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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