One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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