we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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