i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize