I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
