He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wear drunk well.
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