remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
