I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
