Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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