so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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