ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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