I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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