I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
