I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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