We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
