I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
