Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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