I will die if light touches me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
