I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm too high and old for this...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
