I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
