just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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