to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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