Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
