why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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