life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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