He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"