the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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