Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.