she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
