someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.