I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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