listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You don't make any sense
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