I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
