i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
