Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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