it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
