I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
