Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
