you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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