Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i think my cat just said my name.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
