Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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