i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
