i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize