Say something about gay babies.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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