OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
