We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
