My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
