there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
