are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize