john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
