I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
