just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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