We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
