Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
don't judge my taste in strippers
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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