Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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