I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
