Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
