OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
