Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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