You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
