remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
