The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
