I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
