i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
