I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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