Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
