me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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