in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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