i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
